{Part 4} What is a Supermom? The Art of Setting Boundaries

Myth #4:  Being a Mom is Exhausting

Reality:  Being a mom can be exhilarating when you use your energy wisely and elicit help from others.

 

I was that mom who ran to her babies with every peep in the middle of the night. I swept my toddlers up and nurtured every bump and bruise. When my oldest entered elementary school, I argued his case to teachers rather than let him handle his own conflicts. In my mind, I was doing exactly what I was supposed to do as a mom- ensuring that my kids were happy. 

 

TRUTH BOMB- I haven’t slept more than 6 hours a night since becoming a mom 18 years ago. I constantly worry about whether I am doing this mom thing right and those worries hit me around 2 a.m. every night.  

 

Even though I wrote a book about thriving as a mom, I have my struggles, too.  Busting myth #4 has been the biggest challenge for me. I used to have no boundaries AT ALL. I prided myself in being flexible. If my client wanted to meet at 6 a.m., I said “sure” mostly out of fear that I would lose her as a client if I didn’t. 

 

People-pleaser Gina has been undergoing renovation for over 5 years. I see now that my role as a mother is to be a source of security and safety for my kids, and that doesn’t always mean they will be happy with my decisions.

 

When I first decided to call the cops to detain my defiant teenage son, I was holding a strong boundary of safety for myself and my younger children. My son still resents my decisions to bring in civil authorities during the upheaval period after my divorce from his father. 

 

It was even harder to send my son to live with a friend’s family for 9 months while I helped my younger kids regroup after years of witnessing abuse.

 

I admit that I am lenient with certain boundaries like electronics time. I had so many battles with my oldest son over phone usage that I would just rather not create a battleground over healthy phone usage.

 

My kids know my position and I remind them to take breaks but I do not use apps or controls to monitor their usage because, quite frankly, there are other ways I would rather spend my time and energy than micromanaging my kids. 

 

One thing I am adamant about is setting time to replenish myself. My kids pretty much know  that I am meditating, writing, and doing yoga until 8 a.m.  When I wrote my book, I claimed the time and told my kids I could not be bothered while I was writing, and they respected and even celebrated that time. My youngest would check in with me to make sure I wrote my 2,000 words for the day. 

 

 

Life is a cosmic roller coaster. We can look with fear at the oh shit! or we can rise high to the butterflies-in-the-tummy adventure of the ride. 

 

Since I have embraced that the challenges of motherhood have made me stronger... 

Since I have realized that my Highest calling as a mother is to love myself first…

Since I have let go of needing to be a people pleaser….

 

Motherhood has become more of an adventure where I can ride the waves on my kids’ teenage year emotions and not get swept away in trying to fix them.

 

I have more energy to Listen.

I have more stability to be Calm (even when the outside world is raging).

I can be a clear channel for Peace to flow in at any moment (even when I’m feeling down).

 

I love myself even though I still struggle to maintain boundaries because I know that I used to not have any.

 

Now I live life as an adventure – ready to embrace the unexpected twists and turns that life offers. 

 

And I find myself asking, would I rather be right or would I rather have Love? 

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Relaxing in Hawaii: How I Found Myself Again

{Part 4} What is a Supermom? The Art of Setting Boundaries

{Part 3} 3 Ways to Make Motherhood Easier

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